Copyright 1995 by Susan Fitzell

Last Wednesday I was hurt during my self-defense class. The instructor was having us practice throws. I don’t like being thrown. I don’t trust the inexperience of the “throwers,” nor do I trust my ability to consistently fall correctly. It’s part of the class, however, so I do it. I don’t know how it happened, but when the young person “threw me” (with a shoulder throw), my head whipped around and hit the floor, hard. There is two inches of padding on the floor. I felt as if the impact compressed the two inches so that I hit bottom. I heard this big, boing type of a bang. Supposedly, it was my brain slamming against my skull. My head hurt a little, and I was a bit nauseous, but, I was OK.

What struck me in all this is how I began to feel about the class. I no longer felt safe. That lack of feeling safe destroyed my motivation and desire to remain in the class. At my age, I don’t take brain injury or paralysis lightly, however, that aside, I again could relate the experience to the academic classroom.

I imagine that my experience is similar to that of a child who is hurt in a class either emotionally or academically. Like that child, I don’t feel very good about my ability to retain the information in that class. As is often the case for children with learning “differences,” the class does not fit my learning style. It is not structured enough for me. There isn’t enough practice and repetition. Steps are not broken down clearly. The class moves too fast. I don’t know the basics, yet, here I am doing throws (and being thrown). If I think about all that I have learned about students who have difficulty in school, their frustration, their fear of being hurt through failure or humiliation, their lack of confidence in the teacher’s ability to teach them, and their distrust in the teacher, I can now understand those students that much better.

I often think that all teachers should periodically be required to learn a task that is inherently difficult for them. Only then do teachers remember what it is like to struggle. This isn’t the first time martial arts has taught me something about my students. I’m sure it won’t be the last.